


Dear Newton

by CelestialDeth



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Assisted Suicide, Character Death, Fear, Gen, Sad Ending, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-11
Updated: 2014-04-11
Packaged: 2018-01-18 22:48:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1445659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelestialDeth/pseuds/CelestialDeth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the plan to destroy the breach fails, Hermann makes a serious decision, and Newt interrupts him before he can go through with it. Then they decide to do it together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Newton

**Author's Note:**

> So me and charliekellygreen on tumblr were talking about Pacific Rim again because why not and she started talking about one of her headcannons for what would happen if the plan didn’t succeed and the breach didn’t collapse, and then we discussed Hermann and Newton’s reaction if it happened. It’s really sad sorry about it.

For the first time since its construction, the LOCCENT was inflicted with utter silence. The whirring and clicking of the machines sounded almost inaudible, the collective breath being held by everyone in the room stagnate in the air. This silence stretched on for what seemed like hours, everyone stuck in this brief, terrible moment of unanimous self-realization. The truth of their lives hung in this moment, this moment of tense muscles and clenched fists, turned white from grasping the intercom. For a solitude second, Hermann could feel Newt’s hand brushed against his. For a moment, they were holding onto each other, both of them yearning for the truth, grasping on to the hope of their endeavors. Hermann could almost feel Newt’s mind pleading in time with his.

“Please, please let it be enough.”

When the silence finally broke, the sounds felt like it was coming from a million miles away.

“The breach….it didn’t collapse,” Tendo almost choked on the words, but they were out. The truth of their lives resonated with them all.

Newt couldn’t speak, but Hermann could feel how terrified he was. All the energy he used to associate with Newton- the energy that made it seem like the man could bounce off the walls- seemed to drain out of him. It was like his liquid courage escaped from his every pore, and all he could do was let out slight tremors of fear.

The sticky bile of Newton’s terror washed over Hermann in waves, and he couldn’t be there with him anymore. He needed to think, or perhaps he needed to cope. He couldn’t choose. He needed to get away from Newton who was encroaching on his mind.

Hermann had a decision to make, and as soon as he stepped away from the desk, with the intercom, as soon as his hand stopped brushing Newton’s, he made it.

—-

For some sentimental reason, Hermann was comforted by the sight of his lab, the one he had shared with Newton. The strong scent of ammonia and burnt hair brought him back to hours previous, when he found Newton lying on the floor. Newton could have died that morning. Hermann felt a twisted sense of pride in his stomach. He had saved Newton from his own foolish self, and he had helped Newton from not doing it again alone, drifting with that beast. But he had only delayed the inevitable. How much time did Newton have now? Hours perhaps, if he was lucky. Surely the Kaiju would come to haunt Newton again, gunning for his death, except this time around Gypsy Danger would not be there to save him.

And perhaps the blasted Kaiju would come calling for him as well. They had seen him in their drift, knew him for all he was. Doubtless they would ignore him for his transgression. Newton’s breach into their consciousness was enough to garner their rage. They’d punish him for the same crime.

Unless…

Hermann looked around the lab, to his computers and Newton’s junk. True wars had occurred in this room, short of physical violence. Hermann found himself hating this room in the past, if only because Newton could also be found here. But this shared space was also their homes, and some of his happiest memories could be found here, Newton at his side. If this was to be his final moments, he would do it wrapped in happy memories. Stained with screams and scathing remarks and biting arguments, it was also the same place with ecstatic discovery, of long naps on the ugly couch, of mugs of coffee left on the others’ desk as a token of forgiveness. Shared meals and smiles.

It was truly a beautiful place to die.

Hermann walked to his chalkboards, grabbing a piece of chalk and rolling it in his hands, watching the white flake against his fingers. He took one last look at his equations, the calming beautiful numbers that spoke so wonderfully to him and with the sleeve of his hand he wiped them away. Once enough space had cleared, he began to write.

“Dear Newton,”

He had not realized he was crying as he wrote.

—-

Newton was alone and scared. Once Hermann left Newt figured he wouldn’t stick around for long either. Everyone was yelling and direction orders at each other, not bothering to spare a look at him.

Everyone was clinging to hope, clutching onto their protocol and training. Things needed to be done. They had to alert the population. They had to get Mako and Rayleigh out of the water. They had many things they needed to do.

Like Hermann. Hermann probably left to the lab to figure out what to do. He was probably scribbling on his chalkboard, figuring out what their chances were. Trying to figure out if their numbers were good. Newt needed to talk to Hermann. They needed to get out. Newton could still hear Otachi’s shrieks echoing in his mind. The Kaiju were coming. They needed to run. Hermann probably hadn’t realized. Stupid, stubborn, brilliant Hermann. 

Newt half jogged, half sprinted to the lab, it would be the first time since his experiment with the PONS that he had been in there. If felt strange. He had hoped that next time he would be in that room would be to celebrate. He was hiding cheap champagne in his sample fridge, he was going to uncork it and spray it on Hermann’s chalkboards, and on Hermann. 

When Newton walked into the room, Hermann was writing on his chalkboard like Newton had suspected, but they weren’t numbers.

“Hermann,” Newton spoke up, “Hermann, what are you doing?”

Hermann froze, back to him, chalk still in hand and in midsentence. Newton couldn’t read what he was writing, but he caught his name on the board. Was Hermann leaving? Making a run for it?

“Hermann, what are you writing?” Newton asked again.

Finally, Hermann dropped his hand and, it seemed that after a moment, made a decision. Hermann turned to look at Newt, mouth pulled into a sad frown, and Newton took three steps forward to read the writing on the board.

“Dear Newton, when you read this, I will be gone. I sincerely hope you follow after me. There is no hope. I’m tired. I’m done fighting. I want you to think Newton, and I hope you’ll make the right decision. I want you to know that this is not your fault. I don’t want you to experience any unneeded pain. I’m sorry Newton. It’s been an honor to wor-“

The sentence ended there, from when Newton walked in. He didn’t have to imagine too hard to know what was going to follow.

“Hermann?” Newt almost stuttered on his name, “Hermann what are you doing? What were you planning to do?”

Hermann’s frown grew wider, looking at the chalk in his hand, clenching his cane in the other. He rubbed the chalk in his hand lightly, before putting it down on his desk. Then, he reached towards one of his cabinets, and pulled it open. He reached in and pulled out a gun.

Newt felt like he was going to collapse. His feet quaked and his stomach rolled. He shook his head and wanted to step forward, arms outstretched, but he didn’t dare. Newt finally gasped, “No no no, no Hermann.”

“Newton,” Hermann sounded like he was pleading, never taking his eyes off him. Hermann didn’t just look scared, he looked guilty.

“Hermann,” Newt felt like there was a lump in his throat, “Hermann, please, you don’t-“

“Numbers,” Hermann stuttered, “Numbers do not lie Newton,” his jaw clenched, and Hermann began to cry, “Newton, I either take control now or I die somewhere else. I will not give the beasts the satisfaction. We have nothing left.”

“There’s always something,” Newt begged, “We haven’t lost yet, we can’t just quit now,” Newt finally stepped forward towards Hermann and made a grab at Hermann’s gun, “Herman you’re being so stupid –!”

“No Newton,” Hermann pulled the gun away from Newton’s reach, “I’m just not entertaining any hopeful notions for what is going to happen to me, and what is going to happen to you. They came for you once, and it will happen again. There are no Jaegers, there is no wall. We have nothing. We fought back, and it was a damn good fight Newton, a damn good fight. We tried our best, but we have lost. And I’m not going to entertain any ideas that somehow we come out of this unscathed. I gave myself to this fight for ten years, even when my own body began to turn on me. Because I believed. I believed with everything I had that we can win. But we didn’t. Newton,” Hermann cried, “Newton it’s over!”

“No -!” Newton cried, “No please, we can still…. We can run. Hermann, we could run. We could –“

“There is nowhere we can run where they will not find us,” Hermann whispered, placing the gun back on the desk, then putting his hand on Newt’s face.

Newt was crying freely now, tears sliding down his cheeks, the burst eye making his eyes looking bigger than they already were. He leaned slightly into Hermann’s hand, knowing it was the only comfort Hermann could afford. He could feel Hermann’s anger swirling in his mind. Hermann didn’t want to do this anymore than Newton did. But he was scared. He was so very, very scared.

“Hermann,” Newt hiccupped, “Hermann I don’t want to do this –“

“I know,” Hermann replied.

“I’m so scared.”

“I know,” Hermann nodded, “You will not have to do this alone. We’ll do this together. I am with you, for every step of the way.”

“You were going to leave me,” Newton sobbed, “You were going to leave me to find you,” Newt grasped the hand on his cheek.

“I see it was a mistake now,” Hermann nodded, “I will not leave you Newt. I am here.”

Newt sucked in his breathe, then nodded carefully, removing Hermann’s hand from his face, and Hermann nodded with him. Hermann turned and grabbed the gun back off his desk. He then reached into his drawer again and pulled out a pack of bullets. He loaded two in the chamber. One for Newt. One for him.

“How long have you had that gun?” Newt asked, breaking the tension.

“A very long time,” Hermann admitted, “I didn’t want to think of this very outcome, I believed that we could win, but I didn’t….I didn’t want to not have it. Just in case.”

Hermann handed the gun to Newt, and Newt’s arm shook when he finally grasped it. He felt the way the cool metal felt on his skin, and he immediately shook his head, “Hermann I can’t –“

“Yes you can. You’re brave Newton, you’re so very brave –“

“You have to do it,” Newton cried, and began to wheeze, “Hermann, you have to, I can’t, I’m so scared.”

“Please don’t ask this of me,” Hermann begged, “Please don’t ask me to do that to you.”

“Please,” Newton pleaded, putting the gun into Hermann’s hand, “Please please please –“

“Alright,” Hermann conceded, “I’ll do it. I’ll do it Newton,” he took the gun from Newton and cried.

“How are we -?” Newt asked and Hermann answered, “Close your eyes, and count backwards from ten.”

Newt nodded, sobbing, “Hermann, I just want you to know, before this h-ha-happens,” he choked, “That I always –“

“You don’t have to say anything Newton,” Hermann interrupted, “I already know. You don’t have to say anything. I saw it in the drift. I know.”

“I want to say goodbye then,” Newton said, holding out his hand, “My name is Dr. Newton Geiszler. You can call me Newt.”

“Newt,” Hermann said, for the first time in his life, and shook his hand once, “My name is Dr. Hermann Gottlieb. You may call me Hermann.”

“Hermann,” Newton said again, “Goodbye.”

“Goodbye Newt,” Hermann smiled, and said, “Fortune favors the brave.”

Newt smiled, and nodded.

“Close your eyes. It’ll be over soon.”

“Yeah,” Newt nodded, and closed his eyes, and took a deep breathe, as he began to count.

“Ten…”

—-

When Newton finally reached one, he crumpled like a doll when Hermann pulled the trigger. The gun shot sounded like a bomb that echoed around the room. His ears began to ring, and he gasped, unaware that he had been holding his breath. It happened in a second. He had not expected it to be so final. Newt lied down on the floor, face down from where he landed. He was dead before he hit the floor. 

He cried, his chest felt tight and he began to sob. Newton was dead. He killed him. Hermann looked down at his friend’s body, and he realized that his blood had reached over the line in the lab. Hermann began to cry harder, walked over to his still body and rolled Newton over. He touched his face, stained with blood and tears, ignoring the bullet hole in his head. He laid his head down on Newton’s chest, grasping the dirty white shirt and screamed. The sound was muffled, and Hermann screamed louder. This wasn’t fair. This wasn’t supposed to be the end. They were supposed to win, and bicker, and pack up their messy lab and argue and live. They would leave to Germany, write a book together, bonded by the drift and made them inseparable. Even without the bond, they had been together for ten years, they didn’t know how to be any other way. Hermann’s mind screamed. He couldn’t feel Newt anymore, only the horrified shrieking of the hive mind. He didn’t want to be alone with them, but perhaps this was best. At least Newton wasn’t alone with them. At least he had this. Safe from the pain and agony of their wrath.

Hermann, on his knees, that seared with pain, grasped Newton’s hand. It was still warm. He could pretend Newton was still there with them. Could pretend that his hand moved with kindness and comfort. Hermann closed his eyes, and pressed the gun to his temple.

“I’ll find you in the drift, I promise you,” Hermann whispered. And pulled the trigger.


End file.
